9.4.1 Explaining Virtual Relationships

• Virtual relationships (VRs) are those which do not exist on a face-to-face (FtF) basis
• Social media platforms allow VRs to exist alongside or as a substitute for a FtF relationship e.g. you can be friends with someone on Facebook and/or friends with them in ‘real life’ 
• Self-disclosure takes on a whole new dimension when it comes to VRs as the usual restrictions and social norms which govern self-disclosure are removed in virtual domains
• Reduced cues theory explains the tendency for people to behave online in ways which they would not behave if the relationship was FtF:
  • A lack of behavioural signals such as body language, facial expressions, gestures and Paralanguage which usually help to guide and monitor Ftf conversations 
  • A sense of deindividuation in which a person can hide behind a screen name or avatar so that their personal identity is to some extent lost 
  • Deindividuation can lead to someone behaving in ways which show a lack of inhibition i.e. they feel free to express themselves in ways which they would not use in a FtF encounter
  • A lack of inhibition can lead to online comments and posts which are hyper-aggressive and extreme in their language (something that internet trolls excel at): it is this fear of attack that tends to result in a reduction in the usual pattern of FtF self-disclosure in VRs

‘I think I love you…or maybe  I just love your online presence’...

• The hyper-personal model (Walther, 1996) suggests that self-disclosure may in fact happen earlier and with greater levels of intimacy (a kind of speeded-up version of the Social Penetration ‘onion’ model) with online disclosures becoming personal more quickly than they would in FtF interactions
• This hyper-personal aspect of VRs is doubtless another facet of deindividuation i.e. it is easier to disclose sensitive information to someone who is at a distance and whom one is unlikely to ever meet in real life (known as the ‘strangers on a train’ phenomenon)
• It also easy to abruptly terminate VRs, either by ‘ghosting’ the other person or by having the sort of confrontation which would involve too much emotional energy in FtF encounters as it is easier to vent at a distance and in writing ( known as the boom and bust phenomenon)
• The hyper-personal model also identifies the ways in which a VR gives people an opportunity to present their ‘best self’ to the other person as they have the time (and the tools) to portray themselves and their life in a highly edited version of reality (known as selective self-presentation)

• A gate consists of any obstacle/barrier to a relationship developing or even getting off the ground in the first place
• The usual gates that exist in FtF interactions (e.g. shyness, appearance, accent, anxiety) can be completely absent in VRs as people may choose to initially hide their appearance behind avatars or cartoon images plus the usual stressors involved in striking up a conversation FtF are removed in the online world
• The absence of gating provides opportunities for people who previously may have isolated themselves from relationships due to fear, anxiety, self-consciousness to connect to others
• Absence of gating encourages self-disclosure with its veil of anonymity plus it allows people to express themselves possibly in ways that FtF encounters have not afforded them e.g. creatively, honestly, adventurously
• It is possible that a VR can become a real, ‘in the flesh’ relationship as it is likely that a lot has already been shared between the couple so that any superficial gates which might previously have blocked the relationship are gone and each person sees the other as an individual in their own right rather than as a set of characteristics e.g. ‘blonde’, ‘Japanese’, ‘van-driver’, ‘goth’

Research which investigates virtual relationships in social media

• Bargh et al. (2002) - 3 experiments using students as participants which found that those who feel that they can express their “true selves” online are more likely to form close and intimate VRs
• Whitty & Joinson (2009) - self-disclosure is more direct, intimate and ‘nosy’ than in FtF interactions
• Walter & Whitty (2020) - a review of 25 years of online activity which explores the beginning of VRs in the 1990s and how these have changed and evolved to include deceptive online romances and scams, concluding that more research is required to properly understand the hyper-personal model 

Evaluation of virtual relationships in social media

Strengths

• There is some validity in the hyper-personal model in terms of the lack of self-monitoring which takes place in the online world (see Whitty & Joinson’s 2009 findings)
• VRs may provide a lifeline for people who would previously have been marginalised e.g. Baker and Oswald (2010) found that the absence of gating enables people with crippling shyness to open up and engage in fulfilling relationships with others

Weaknesses

• Reduced cues theory is not entirely valid: VRs do involve a set of internet-specific cues e.g. the use of emojis; the time taken to respond to a message; capitalising words; using code words developed between the couple etc.
• The theories surrounding VRs take a universal view as they assume that people are connected online and have access to the internet: this is not true for everyone across the world which means that they lack cultural relativism