Paper 1 Question 5: Descriptive Writing Model Answer (AQA GCSE English Language)

In Paper 1 Question 5 you will be presented with a choice of two writing tasks and a stimulus image. One task will ask you to write descriptively, most likely based on the image, and the other question will ask you to write a story, based on a statement or title.  

The task requires you to write for a specific purpose and in a specific form. It is important you write in the correct format and use the conventions of this form, as the mark scheme mentions adapting your tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences. 

This means: 

• The tone (sound of the narrator’s ‘voice’) is appropriate and convincing 
• The register (vocabulary and phrasing) is suitable for the purpose
• The style of the writing (sentence structure and overall structure) is dynamic and engaging

Below you will find a detailed descriptive writing model in response to an example of Paper 1 Question 5, under the following sub-headings (click to go straight to that sub-heading):

• Writing a GCSE English Language description
• Structuring your description
• AO5: Content and organisation
• AO6: Technical accuracy
• Question 5 Level 4 model description
• Why would this story achieve top marks?

Remember, Paper 1 Question 5 is worth 40 marks, broken down into two Assessment Objectives:

AO5 (24 marks) Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts

AO6 (16 marks) Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation

When planning your response, it is a good idea to keep the tone, style and register in mind, as well as the conventions of the form. Here, we will consider how you can produce an effective piece of descriptive writing with these devices in mind: 

Tone

Descriptive writing should craft a tone of voice in keeping with the mood of the scene. This means your sentences should reflect the atmosphere. For example, if the scene is mysterious and frightening, your sentences should reflect this suspenseful mood. 

In order to craft a tone in keeping with the mood of your description, consider how you can use sentence lengths and types:

• Short sentences reflect tension and unease, e.g. ‘No sound could be heard’
• Longer sentences and listing can create a sense of being overwhelmed, or of abundance, e.g. ‘The market was laden with apples, grapes, oranges, loaves of bread, chunks of cheese and every type of vegetable one could imagine.’

Style and register

The style of your descriptive writing is closely related to the language you use. For example, in a descriptive writing response, the best answers show evidence of careful word choice and the deliberate but judicious use of linguistic techniques.

Descriptive writing helps the reader to visualise the person, place, or situation being described. Your word choice and linguistic techniques should conjure a vivid, sensory impression in the reader’s mind. 

The best way to do this is to: 

• Use vocabulary which is useful to the reader:
• For example, describing something as ‘brilliant’ or ‘amazing’ is not descriptive
• Be specific and ambitious in your choice of adjectives 
• Use sensory language to bring the scene to life:
• Focus not just on what can be seen, but also what can be heard, smelled or felt
• Emphasise key ideas or impressions using language techniques and imagery:
• For example, you could use a simile to create associations about size or colour
• Personification is a useful technique when describing weather or objects 
• Ensure you describe the important details:
• For example, you do not need to describe every inch of a person or scene bit by bit, but instead focus on key features

Form

Descriptive writing is observational writing. This means the narrator does not interact and a character is not crafted. Descriptive writing is like imagining you are behind the lens of a camera. However, this does not mean the scene you are describing is static; it is important to note the movements and action you ‘witness’. 

In order to adhere to the conventions of descriptive writing, it is best to: 

• Plan your writing in an order which ‘moves’ through the scene
• The picture you are given is simply a stimulus
• It is best to use your imagination and describe this scene as it would appear in real life
• Descriptive writing does not provide background information or develop character interaction
• When describing people, focus on relevant details only
• You could focus on their body language or movements
• Sounds can be effective in crafting the mood, e.g. ‘shouts and shrieks’
• It is effective to repeat ideas related to colour
• Consider picking a key detail
• For example, the people could be wearing colourful hats
• By describing the hats, it is not necessary to describe the coats or shoes or trousers

Overview

Focus on using a range of interesting vocabulary; words like ‘amazing’ do not accurately describe places Include descriptive detail using a range of sensory language (sight, texture, sound) Avoid making your description into a story  Write with technical accuracy (full stops, commas, sentence length, spelling, grammar) Vary sentence and paragraph lengths and types to keep the style and tone dynamic

Below is an example of the type of descriptive writing you may be asked to write in Question 5. This is taken from Language Paper 1 June 2019:

This task asks you to describe a market place as suggested by the picture. This means you are required to write a formal description using the ideas in the image as your stimulus. It does not mean you have to describe the picture in as much intricate detail as possible over five or six paragraphs. The most successful answers consider the scene in ‘real life’ and use language to bring the scene alive by adding imaginative details.

As this is a longer writing question, you can spend about 5 minutes planning your answer. 

Once you are sure of the form you should write in and you have considered how best to convey the mood and atmosphere to your reader, you can begin to think about how you will order your ideas.

Remember, each paragraph does not have to be the same length. In fact, better answers vary the lengths of their paragraphs for effect. What is important is to develop separate ideas or points in each paragraph and avoid repeating the same descriptions throughout your response. 

An example of the way you could structure your response would be:

Descriptive writing form
Panoramic	Broadly describe the scene Introduce the time and atmosphere In the market example, this could include colour and how tightly packed everything is
Zoom	Focus your lens in on one segment of the image Choose smaller, less obvious details In the market example, this could be the butcher on the right cutting into the animal carcass
Single line	Emphasise the key feeling of your description in one line In the market example, this could involve smell
Shift	Focus your lens on another segment of the image If you started in the foreground, then move to something in the background In the market example, this could be the lady dressed in dark colours at the back, grasping a bag
Shift	Now move your lens to a final segment of the image, or suggest something that is just “off camera” In the market example, this could be the lady with her back to you in the middle of the picture
Panoramic	Zoom out again to look at the scene from a new perspective How has it changed? Time? Atmosphere? Mood? In the market example, you could change the time of the scene from early morning to mid-afternoon

Overview

It is important to plan the order and ‘flow’ of your response If you are given an image as a stimulus, then annotate it and circle the details you will zoom in on Descriptive writing should include movement and sound, but the narrator is a silent observer Do not provide background information on the scene or narrator

AO5 (24 marks) Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts

Level 4 Response (19-24 marks)

The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle.

Key point	AO5: Convincing and compelling communication, incorporating a range of complex ideas that are assuredly matched to purpose and audience
Language features and techniques	Personification	Personifying the market as an animal which roars suggests something loud and intimidating
	Simile	The comparison of the people’s movements with “soldiers going to battle” fits with the mood of intimidation already established

Level 4 Response (19-24 marks)

The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers.

Key point	AO5: sustained crafting and ambitious vocabulary
Structural features and techniques	Ambitious vocabulary	The use of “deafening chaos” is a sophisticated description which effectively crafts a mood
	Sustained crafting	The sounds of the market are developed with detail
		The verbs “yelled” and “argued” successfully create a mood based on the sensory language of sound
		The adverb “angrily” contributes to the overall effect
		Adjectives such as “frustrated” and “annoyed” emphasise the mood

AO6 (16 marks) Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation

Level 4 Response (13-16 marks)

Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers.

Key point	AO6: Full range of appropriate sentence forms with demarcation consistently secure and consistently accurate.
Structural features and techniques	Short sentence	The description includes a short sentence to emphasise the point of no doors
	Listing	A list in the longer sentence creates a sense of being overwhelmed, which suggests panic and builds tension

Below is an example of a full mark Level 4 model description:

Level 4 Response (AO5 - 22-24 marks/AO6 - 13-16 marks)

The Market The market roared with rage, for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and vendors made the street extremely narrow, forcing people to walk in a single file like soldiers going to battle. The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers. Shops of all different species stood on either side of the street obediently. None of them had doors. The shopkeepers knew very well that the doors would not last long against the might, impatience, and violence of the customers. A large, pink animal carcass hung by a hook, whilst the butcher sawed and hacked at the flesh, sweat already dripping from his brow. Occasionally, he would swat at the flies hovering around the meat with his blade, slicing through the air with a flash of steel. Even though the meat was fresh, the faint stench of death hung like the carcasses themselves from the hooks. It seems as though all of the smells in the world had come to a reunion. Sweaty buyers skilfully wove their way through the crush by locating minute gaps between people and squeezing through. Pickpockets hopped like rabbits in a carrot field, munching the  purses out of the many pockets of innocent buyers too busy bargaining. Experienced visitors wore tight pants for the same reason. And a helpless woman fumbled through the scores of bags she carried and tried to tick on a list with a pen clenched between her teeth. As the sun warmed, the stuffy, stinking air filled with sweat and rotting fish intensified. No air freshener could have defeated the sour, rancid smell which ruled over the cramped stalls. Only a single woman in a pristine white dress seemed immune from the stench. As she wove her way through the crowd, her perfume lingered and stretched its fingers tentatively into the atmosphere, only to be swiftly overwhelmed. As the afternoon flamed the market, an exhaustion and breathlessness silently took over the first time visitors, but the everyday buyers proudly held on against the torture and kept shopping. The deafening chaos in the market made ears split as though standing under a giant speaker. Vendors yelled prices and frustrated housewives angrily argued with the annoyed shopkeepers.